love is stubborn sometimes
by kinselllas
Summary: "The ring, the look on his face, the roll of his eyes, it's all too much for her." Canon up until 5x24, Blair and Dan go to Rome together- seen in a series of flashbacks. Story takes place about two years after the fact when the gang is all back together for a retreat to Georgina's lakehouse (unrealistic, I know)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_This is an idea that I've been struggling with for awhile, but I think I'm finally ready to start writing it. Yes, it's unlikely that someone from the Upper East Side had a lakehouse- but just go with it. Canon until 5x24- Dan and Blair were still planning on going to Rome, and he said "I love you" without her saying it back. There is no diary entry leaked and no Chair reunion- if only. I would say this story takes place two years after they left for Rome. Flashbacks will center around Dan and Blair and show some of the moments leading up to where they are now. I should also add that this story exaggerates Chuck and Serena's worst features so I apologize for that, only for dramatic effect. _

_*Very VERY loosely based on 'Morning Song' and 'Dead Sea' by the Lumineers. Any lyrics will be from either of those. _

Dan and Serena arrive first and he curses himself for always being so damn punctual, because the awkward, sobering silence settles around them as they begin to unpack. Her ring catches the sunlight and it sends a pretty pattern of lights against the dark wall.

"This was a bad idea," he says it out loud, but it's meant for himself.

"It'll be good to see everyone, catch up with Blair, and Nate."

He silently wonders why she neglected to include Chuck.

Dan has no desire to catch up with Blair, not even the desire to see her. Even the thought makes his stomach turn with anxiety.

"This weekend will be good for us," Serena smiles warmly and touches his arm, "I really want it to be different this time."

A small smile forms on his lips, nodding gently.

In moments like these, he sees the old Serena. He imagines his high school days, making promises that they knew they couldn't keep, but so badly wanted to.

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_**I headed West, I was a man on the move. New York had lied to me, I needed the truth. **_

_**I need somebody- I needed someone I could trust. I don't gamble, but if I did I would bet on us**_

_"How long have you two been in Rome?" Harold hands him a glass of red wine and Dan takes a tentative sip. _

_"It'll be a year in June."_

_Blair and Roman are hurrying around the house discussing new renovation ideas. Dan had only met Blair's father one other time, when they first moved to Europe. Unlike Eleanor, Harold seemed to appreciate the affection Dan had for his daughter. He didn't see him as a poor writer from Brooklyn, but rather as the young man who was in love with his cherished Blair. _

_"And how are you liking Italy?"_

_"I took Italian in high school so I can navigate us around pretty well. It's only gotten better since we arrived. I know Blair feels like she's at a disadvantage knowing French," he can tell he's rambling, "but she's learning the important phrases."_

_There's a bit of silence and drinking for awhile before Harold asks, _

_"And have we thought at all about marriage?"_

_Dan snorts and his wine sputters out a bit, at least giving him time to think of a response._

_"Well- well, I mean, I have. I have a few times, but I don't think Blair is ready so I've been trying not to push her," he takes another gulp of wine and deep breath, "she's still, you know, figuring things out with herself and I don't want to get in the way of that."_

_"Don't you see, Daniel?" Harold gestures enthusiastically, "You are part of that! I haven't seen Blair this happy since she was a sophomore in high school and Nate told her she was starting to look unhealthily skinny."_

_Dan stares down at his hands and smiles, closing his eyes. _

_Everything she'd been through the past couple years, he had been there. He had been her source of comfort and solace and he did it without the expectation of her ever wanting him back. _

_Until she did. _

_He can still remember the sensation of her lips against his as she softly moaned, "Dan," over and over again. That's when he knew she had a permanent hold on his heart. No matter what she did, he would never move on from Blair Waldorf._

_"I just don't think she's ready," he says quietly and Blair comes rushing into the living room._

_"Daddy, stop bothering him. We need to talk about that awful mauve color you chose for your upstairs bathroom."_

_"I told him it was no good," Roman shakes his head and takes a seat next to Harold._

_Rome had proven to be a good relationship decision for them. Dan spent the days writing on the hotel balcony or down by the water, and Blair got an internship at a small Italian fashion magazine. Their nights involved bottles of red wine, delicious Italian food, and sex, well, wherever they could get away with it. _

_Even after the summer ended, Dan couldn't pass up the opportunity to extend the program into next year, and Blair had no objections._

_Their relationship was easier away from New York. _

_Away from Chuck, Serena, anyone else who would get in the way. _

_He thinks of Serena once in awhile, but not in a romantic way. He thinks of her the same way he used to think of his dog Fitz who died when he was five. _

_He doesn't ask Blair if she thinks about Chuck. _

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Blair's head rests against the window as she watches the landscape pass her by. The city is always bustling with cars and people, it's hard to believe there are empty fields of only a few trees within a hundred miles of her house.

"I hope this won't be too hard for you," Chuck's voice rasps, interrupting her thoughts.

"We've been over for almost a year. I'll be fine."

Chuck smiles and grabs her hand,

"I just wanted to make sure you're done with your little social experiment."

Blair's stomach drops at the statement. The fact that Chuck can brush off her relationship with Dan as a social experiment crushes her.

"It wasn't a social experiment. We were together longer than you and I had ever been together," her voice is quiet as she keeps her eyes locked on the seat in front of her.

"Blair," he laughs, the laugh that tells her she's grown to detest, "We never end. Don't you see that? We never stopped being together."

"Yes we did," she mutters quietly.

He doesn't acknowledge it.

As they pull up to the huge lake house, Blair takes a deep breath when she sees Serena walking out to her town car to grab another suitcase.

_I want you out of my life. For good._

Chuck walks around to open Blair's door and she steps out carefully. The air is cool and crisp and it causes her to shiver, wrapping her arms around herself gently. When Serena sees her, she drops the bag and runs over,

"B! I'm so glad you decided to come," Her arms fling around Blair's shoulders and she can't resist hugging her back. She's needed her best friend for awhile.

"The past is the past, right?"

"I'm so glad you said that," Serena pulls back and Blair notices the ring adorned hand resting on her arm. She looks at it more closely.

No.

"You're engaged?"

The grin on Serena's face is huge, one that she only uses when talking about a certain person they've both spent years with.

"I would've told you earlier, but I didn't know if you still hated me. I guess I thought the fact that you showed up here was a good sign that you didn't."

"I don't," Blair says quietly, but her eyes are still locked on the ring. There's something so familiar about it, the way the square diamond gleams, the tiny opals surrounding it.

No.

"Well, Dan proposed!"

No.

"Wow," she breathes, "When did you two even-" she's cut off by the sight of him walking out the front door.

"How does it take this long to get one suit-"

He freezes in place and blinks a few times, as if to disbelieve she's really there.

He never finishes the sentence.

Dan brushes past her to grab the suitcase and rolls his eyes slightly as he walks back inside.

Blair's heart pounds against her rib cage. She suddenly feels very hot, despite the cool air around her. The ring, the look on his face, the roll of his eyes, it's all too much for her. The worst part is, the very worst part, is that all she wants is to be close to him.

"Will you excuse me? I'm feeling a bit carsick. Our driver took a few too many sharp turns getting here."

Before Serena can answer, Blair's in the house searching for a bathroom. When she finds it, she collapses on the floor in a heap. Her stomach lurches and her chest heaves, forcing out the toast and blueberries she had for breakfast.

Then he knocks at the door.

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_**You told me I was like the dead sea, nicest words you ever said to me**_

_They spend a night in London, drinking old scotch until their bodies feel fuzzy and clambering their way to the nearest hotel. When they finally get into a room, Blair pulls him to the bed with more force than he knew she was capable of . _

_His body settles over her as she undresses him slowly, torturously, piece by piece._

_When he thrusts into her, she lets out a soft gasp and says the most beautiful words Dan thinks he's ever heard._

_"I could spend the rest of my life like this."_

_His breath hitches as he thrusts into her again and he leans down to bury his face in her hair._

_"So why don't you?" he kisses her jaw softly, "Why don't we?"_

_Blair moans, feeling his thumb against her clit, "What?"_

_"I think I want to-" Dan breathes, her legs hooking around his waist, he groans as he moves deeper inside her, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

_Her eyes are hazy as she grips the sheets tightly, letting out short gasps. Her back arches and her hips meet his while waves of heat travel through her body._

_Finally, as she pants and catches her breath, she gives him a definitive,_

_"No."_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_Thanks so much for all the great reviews and feedback! I apologize that I still haven't updated 'arguable chemistry' yet if you follow that story. It's hard to balance three at a time, especially when they're all so different. This chapter is all Dan's POV, but that won't always be the case. First flashback takes place on their first night in Rome. I think that's all you need to know!_

_**Told me I was like the dead sea, you'll never sink when you are with me. **_

_"Buongiorno! May I start the lovely couple off with a bottle of wine?"_

_"Pinot Noir," Blair answers before Dan even has the chance to open the menu. As the waiter nods and walks away, he narrows his eyes at her. _

_"You know you can't be in control the entire trip. I'm the one who speaks Italian."_

_"So you have terrible taste in wine," her eyes gleam, "Sue me."_

_He wants to lean over the table in that moment, to press his lips to hers and feel her gasp against his mouth. In all of his pessimistic doubts and insecure fears, he never thought he would actually be sitting across the table from her at a restaurant in Rome. Her long curls are messy from the drive to their hotel and he can tell she's worried about it because her hands keep sliding over her head gently. _

_He's in love with her._

_"I was thinking we could watch Roman Holiday in the room tonight, just take it easy and rest up for tomorrow."_

_Blair just stares at him without answering._

_"What? Too cliche?" _

_"No, it's not that," she says quietly, her eyes warm, "I- I just, I think I… it's perfect, Dan."_

_He wants her to say it, wills her to say it. _It's three words, _he thinks. _She looks so happy, _he thinks. _

_She doesn't say it._

_The rest of the night is laughs and big smiles and it makes him wonder how they got to this place, where he can rest his hand on the side of her neck and pull her in for a kiss. Waves crash and cover their bare feet as she nuzzles her head against his chest and they stare out at the water. _

_The moment would be perfect, if only…_

_"This is nice," her eyes meet his and she seems very comfortable in that moment. _

_Is this what it's like when she's happy? Her body, moving into his slowly for another kiss, her smile against his lips. _

_He spent a year of his life watching Blair choose between two men that each tended to one side of her. Chuck fueled her dark and manipulative ways, while Louis held her on a pedestal as a princess. Dan chose to see both sides in an effort to understand her, and it cost him his heart. _

_"Dan," her voice is soft as she says, "I love you."_

_At least, for now, his heart is full. _

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Blair swishes water around her mouth and spits it out quickly before opening the door.

He looks different, not necessarily in a bad way, but not necessarily in a good way either.

"Hi," she says quietly, silently wishing she could be more composed in a moment like this.

"Can I get in there?" His eyes are apathetic. They have no spark, no concern, just a blank gaze. She had hoped, just maybe, that if she and Serena could make up and be friends again, maybe she and Dan could too.

It doesn't appear that way.

Blair doesn't reply, she just steps out of his way and watches as he slams the door in her face.

_We were something beautiful once_, she reminds herself.

It comforts her as she leans her back against the door and closes her eyes.

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_He wakes up to her crying sometimes._

_His t-shirt soaked in her tears, her cries muffled against his chest._

_The first time it happens, he nudges her gently, asks what's wrong._

_"I lost it," she whimpers, unable to control the tears, "I lost the baby."_

_Her hands rest on her stomach and Dan finds himself blinking back moisture from his own eyes as he watches her._

_"That was months ago," he says quietly._

_"I still feel it. I can still feel it inside me sometimes when I sleep."_

_He wonders, how she never mourned it before. Or if she did, and simply no one noticed. Her focus always seemed to be on Chuck and how the accident affected him. He had almost forgotten about the baby altogether._

_But she hadn't._

_Dan instinctively moves to wrap her tightly in his embrace while she cries herself to sleep._

_"I love you," she'll say. "I'm so sorry," she'll say. He doesn't know if it's to him, or the one she lost._

_In the end it doesn't matter. _

_Sometimes, she wakes up screaming that the baby had been ripped out of her._

_He just listens to her cry. _

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**Carbonation in my drink, bubbles rise as my heart sinks**

**and all I tend to do is think of you**

"They seem happy," Serena nudges his side gently and nods to Chuck and Blair.

_In what sense of the word?_

Blair looks like she hasn't seen food in days. If Serena knew her at all, she'd know that Blair looks absolutely miserable. Even with that fucking necklace around her neck.

He remembers it from Dorota's wedding, when he told her she deserved to be with someone who makes her happy.

It all seems quite pointless now.

Chuck on the other hand, looks as smug as ever.

The funny thing is, they're not touching. Chuck's leaning back against his chair lazily, while Blair is stiff as a board in her seat. They look uncomfortable. It makes him laugh in his head.

It also kind of makes him want to cry.

"Yeah," he tries to hide the sarcasm in his voice, "good for them."

He notices that Georgina is watching him watch Blair, so he quickly rolls his eyes and tears his gaze away.

Of course she's up to something.

Right as dinner is about to start, Nate and his "date" arrive. Long tan legs, golden blonde hair, crystal blue eyes.

_Dan's starting to see a pattern._

Apparently Blair sees it too, because she snorts a laugh and asks, "Where did you find the doppleganger?"

Serena, Nate, and Serena #2 laugh uncomfortably as they take their seats. First Ivy, then Lola, now this girl. It's only gotten worse with time.

Georgina and Carter are whispering and laughing to themselves, his face buried in his hands as she glances around the table and meets his ear again.

They should all be concerned.

Dan decides to make the dinner interesting, so he creates a drinking game in which he drinks every time Chuck and Blair do something in-genuine. It's a pretty easy game. As Chuck rambles on about Bass Industries and the Empire, Blair smiles sweetly and rests her hand on his arm.

It's sad, really, how hard she has to work to convince everyone she's happy.

When the cater waiters begin serving food, Dan takes note of the irony that they're in the middle of the woods, yet it feels like they haven't even left the Upper East Side.

His drinking game fails, because Serena starts playing without realizing it. Carter won't take his eyes off of her and Nate is busy fawning over his look-a-like. Dan's ring is starting to lose its gleam.

Before he knows it, she's drunker than him.

"Let's go to our room," she slurs sloppily, her hair falling over his shoulder.

It doesn't sound like the worst idea.

Fucking Serena is easy.

She doesn't tell him what to do, doesn't play games with him, just lets out breathy moans and giggles.

It's actually quite pleasant.

He helps Serena up from her chair, but Georgina stops them immediately.

"Let's play a game," she says, her lips curling into a smile.

"We're not in high school anymore," Dan narrows his eyes at her.

"Sure we are, and this is my house. We're playing a game."

"Are you a five year old?"

They play 'never have I ever.'

_This should go over well, _he thinks.

The first few turns are pretty mild, about somewhat famous socialites that Chuck and Nate have had sex with or girls that Serena had lesbian moments with.

"Never have I ever fucked my best friend's boyfriend," Blair is obviously drunk if she has the courage to say that. The constantly-judging-breakfast-club laughs carelessly, and takes huge gulps from their drinks- _as if to remind everyone else that they will never be a part of their secret circle of incest. _

Then it's Nate's date's turn.

Dan can't remember her name.

Stacey? He doesn't really care.

"Hmmm," she looks around the room nervously, "Never have I ever had a pregnancy scare."

"Does a baby count?" Georgina asks, as they all start debating.

Dan can't focus, all he can see is Blair keeping her eyes closed as she lifts her drink to her lips and finishes it.

"This is a stupid game," he mumbles and takes his drink outside with him.

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_"This is stupid," she huffs, "You told me that if I sat through 'La Dolce Vita' for the third time, we could go to the Remo Salvadori exhibit in Florence."_

_"Seriously, how are you still complaining?" Dan grips the steering wheel tightly as he glances over at her, "I swear you've been arguing with everything I've said or done for the past two weeks."_

_Blair is silent for a few minutes, and when he looks over again, she's started crying._

_Finally, the moment he knew was coming all along. This whole year had just been building up to nothing. The fantasy was over. Blair was ready to go home._

_"I'm late," She says so quietly that he can just barely hear it._

_"You're what?"_

_"I'm late," she repeats, "three weeks."_

_It doesn't make sense. They were so careful, every time. He has no idea how to respond. Especially because part of him is a bit relieved that this isn't about her not wanting to be with him anymore. The prospect of them having a baby, well, it's not as though it hadn't crossed his mind. But he wanted them to plan it, together. That's what Blair would've wanted. _

_"Hey," he places his hand on her knee and gives it a gentle squeeze, "Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"Why would I? I don't want it."_

_Dan flinches slightly as he stares out at the road, "You don't even know if there's an 'it' yet."_

_She just scoffs and looks out the window. They don't speak for the rest of the drive, until Dan parks the car and turns to her._

_"Would it be the worst thing?" he starts, his hands shaking slightly. "Honestly, even if you are pregnant, would it be the worst thing? I'm in this for the long haul, I thought I made that clear to you."_

_"I can't go through it again," Blair says quietly, staring at her hands._

_"But you'll have me to go through it with this time. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" _

_Blair takes a deep breath and he can tell she's preparing for a fight, "Of course that means something to me, but it's not the same," her voice rises, "It's not going to replace what I've already lost."_

_"It's not supposed to! It would be ours, not yours." _

_"I'm not ready, okay? If it happens again, I'm not ready."_

_Then Dan does that one thing he does where he doesn't think before talking,_

_"I want to get married."_

_"Who are you? Chuck Bass? Marriage doesn't solve problems."_

_"Stop seeing this as a problem! Please, for once, can you just-"_

_But she's out of the car, the door slamming violently behind her. _

_He wants to go after her, but he's still angry and she's clearly still angry, so he stays in the car. She walks into a bar about a block down and he just sits in his car and waits. He ends up falling asleep and after two hours there's a knock on his window._

_Her eyes are red and soaked with tears and opens the car door as quickly as possible._

_His mouth moves to apologize, but she just silences him and says, "Just take me home, please."_

_So he does. _

_As they're laying in their bed, her head resting on his chest, she says, "Don't ask me to marry you again."_

_So he doesn't. _


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **_Yes I know, I'm an awful person because I still haven't updated Arguable Chemistry and I really am trying, I'm just struggling to figure out what direction I want to take it. Plus, DB angst always pulls me back in! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a lot of dialogue and understanding characters better. ERIC'S BACK! _

_Just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews and feedback I've gotten on all my DB stories! You guys are my motivation to crank out another chapter every once in awhile so thank you! You're awesome. _

Blair finds him sitting outside, nursing his whiskey thoughtfully.

She doesn't want to think about what drew her out the door.

She tells herself she just needs the air, and he's annoying for being out here, as if these front steps are hers.

Then she thinks of the Met steps.

"Hey," she says quietly and sits next to him.

"Hey," his tone is almost mocking, and it cuts her, so she grabs his glass and takes a sip from it.

"Serena is really drunk," she laughs softly and glances up at his face. His jaw is still so perfectly contoured, she used to imagine he had some sort of reconstructive surgery to make it look like that. It made her feel better when she was feeling insecure about herself in comparison to him.

"Can we not do this?" he asks, just above a whisper.

"What?"

Dan casts his eyes down and takes a deep breath, "Can you not act like we're friends? Like the past two years didn't happen."

She flinches at his words and pulls her gaze away from him, "I just thought-"

"Why did you say it back?"

"What?"

"Why did you have to say it back? I would've been fine if you would've just..."

He trails off and his intoxication becomes imminent as his voice cracks lightly and his words slur.

"Why did you stay so fucking long?" he asks before she has a chance to answer, "Honestly, why did you even come in the first place?"

Blair lets her forehead rest in her hand with her elbow on her knee as she tries to think of some sort of explanation to his questions. After a year, she hoped they would've both recovered from their messy end.

"You proposed to her," she says, "You proposed to her with my ring."

"_Your _ring? It stopped being _your _ring after you said no to my proposal for the third fucking time," He stands up and snatches his glass out of her hand. His eyes look darker in the moonlight, no light or sparkle accenting them, "Besides, you're here with Chuck. Why do you care if I'm engaged to Serena?"

"I don't," a beat, and then, "congratulations."

"I guess we're all back to where we started," he snorts an ironic laugh and swallows the rest of his drink, "how pathetic."

"Sorry you actually had to try with me," She takes it back as soon as she says it, but it's too late. Dan locks eyes with her and she can feel the heat, the anger.

"You're right, Blair. I tried so hard to win you over and you made me look absolutely pathetic. It was all me, all one sided. Thank you for reminding me how I spent the better part of two years of my life."

They're both quiet for a few minutes until he says, "Answer my question. Why did you say it back?"

Blair feels frustration growing inside of her as she plays with the hem of her skirt, "What does that even mean? Are you implying I didn't mean it?"

His laugh is cold and rigid. "What I'm implying is that you said it so that you could look back on the moment and remember what it feels like to tell someone you love them and actually have them give a shit."

She blinks back a few tears and looks up at him, "You're drunk."

"You're unhappy! Don't bother pretending you're not, because I know what Blair Waldorf looks like when she's happy. I never thought you'd actually go back to him." Dan stares at her for a few seconds, his eyes carefully glancing from her gaze down to her mouth. She wonders if he'll kiss her, in a last minute effort to save whatever they had.

He doesn't. He just opens the door quietly and shuts it behind him.

After what seems like hours, but is really only ten minutes, she returns inside to find the game has concluded, and Serena and Nate are playing quarters on the coffee table while Chuck scrolls through emails on his phone.

Serena #2 is passed out on the floor.

She has no energy for any of them so she takes the stairs to her bedroom and falls asleep reading _A Farewell to Arms _for the second time.

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_"Are you sure you want to do this?" Serena asks, her voice feigning concern._

_"Of course I want to do this. You would if you were in my position."_

_Serena had been so annoying lately, questioning her decision about Rome and her feelings for Dan. Every time she turned around, Serena was browsing her closet or helping her back toiletries for the first few nights in Italy. Their conversations always focused on the same topic._

_"But you can't even tell Dan you love him."_

_Blair rolls her eyes as she forces more clothes into her already packed suitcase. She'll have to ask Dan to borrow a duffle bag later, as repulsive as the idea is. _

_"I told you," she says firmly, "I want the next person I say 'I love you' to to be the last."_

_"That's a big commitment," Serena responds skeptically._

_Blair breathes deeply and bites down roughly on her lower lip to control her irritation._

_"Serena," she cuts her gaze to the blonde's green eyes, "Do you have a problem with me going to Rome? You've been bothering me about it for the past week."_

_"Don't you think you're acting sort of selfishly?" she asks, "What if I went to Italy with Chuck?"_

_Blair just chokes out a laugh as she says, "Go wherever you want with Chuck. It's not the same thing."_

_"If you're still in love with Chuck then it is."_

_"You told me you wouldn't stand in the way of Dan and me, and yet that's exactly what you're doing right now."_

_They go back and forth like that for awhile, Serena describing how hard it's been to watch them together, Blair explaining that she had her chance and blew it multiple times, that's not Blair's fault._

_"I could still have him back if I wanted to."_

_"You and I know both know that's not true."_

_Serena's eyes water as she nods a few times. _

_"I told Chuck where you're staying in Rome. You know he won't stop until he has you back."_

_A fire of anger burns in the pit of Blair's stomach, "As if Dan isn't insecure enough about Chuck, thank you, Serena. I have been walking on egg shells around you for the past few months but I'm done now. If you can't handle my relationship with Dan, you don't need to. I want you out of my life. For good."_

_Serena tries to apologize, but Blair freezes her out, doesn't respond, doesn't even look at her. Eventually she leaves the house in the huff._

_Before Blair climbs into her car to Brooklyn, she pulls out her phone to text Chuck. _

_She glances at the words a few times before deciding to send it:_

_"It's not worth even trying."_

_The next morning she's on a plane to Rome. _

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Serena stumbles into their bedroom around 2:00 a.m. and pulls her clothes off sloppily, climbing into bed next to him. Her leg hooks around his waist as she nuzzles into his neck for a kiss.

"I'm tired," he says. _Of everything, _he thinks.

"I don't care." She climbs onto his lap and straddles him, grinding slightly with a soft moan.

Dan decides to refocus his anger so he mumbles, "condom," and lets Serena roll it onto him gently. The problem is, Dan doesn't feel like being gentle right now.

He lets Blair's words play through his head as he flips them over and thrusts into Serena roughly. She lets out a loud gasp and grips the back of his neck tightly.

"Dan," she breathes, "what's gotten into you?"

He doesn't want to talk so he silences her with his mouth and bites her lip so hard that he has to stop for fear of drawing blood.

Serena moans his name as the bed creaks and shakes noisily, her head falling back as he buries his face in her hair. For a sad moment, he pretends it isn't real, that he'll open his eyes and see brown hair strewn across the bed in front of him.

Nope, still blonde.

"I-" she gasps, "I'm close."

Her fingernails dig into his shoulder as he moves into her more roughly and she shudders at the climax.

_"Congratulations," _he hears Blair say as he finishes in a huff and responds to her with a silent, "Fuck you."

Serena falls asleep cuddled against his shoulder.

Dan doesn't sleep.

He wonders if Chuck holds Blair when she wakes up crying at night.

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_The first time he officially proposes, because she doesn't count the time during sex, is two weeks later. _

_They're standing on a bridge in Florence, overlooking the river and he says, "Blair, I need to talk to you about something."_

_Her throat swells up immediately, because she thought they were done with this conversation. His hand sits in his jacket pocket, and she wonders how he doesn't realize how obvious he's being._

_"Talk away," she smiles lightly. _

_"I know it's only been a little over a year, but keep in mind that I knew I was in love with you way before you knew you loved me."_

_His feet fidget slightly and she kind of wants to stomp on them because it's really distracting her. _

_"I meant what I said that night," Blair just cocks her head to the side as if to say she doesn't remember, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

_"Oh," is the only thing she can say in response._

_"I know, I know," he starts, handing her the ring box as he begins his explanation, "but I've already talked to your dad about it. And Eleanor…well, I feel like you already don't care what Eleanor would say, but I could talk to her too. Don't you remember, in 'When Harry Met Sally'? The famous line."_

_Blair thinks for a few seconds before saying, "When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."_

_"Blair, I'm never more myself than when I'm with you. You infuriate me, you make me absolutely crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else."_

_Blair stares at the ring for a couple minutes, opal stone glittering in the sunlight surrounded by tiny diamonds. It's perfect. _

_"It's not the right time," she says and clicks the box shut, handing it back to him. _

_Then she starts walking down the bridge, leaving him to catch up to her when he's ready. _

_It doesn't take him long._

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When Blair wakes up, Chuck is still on his phone.

She understands his undying need to save his empire, but sometimes she needs him too. He never needs her back.

"How did you sleep?" she asks, softly kissing his shoulder.

"Good," he clicks his keyboard rapidly, "I watched you sleep for awhile. You looked beautiful."

Blair smiles and leans up to kiss his cheek, standing up to pull her pajamas on.

She walks groggily downstairs to find Dan sitting at the kitchen counter with Eric making waffles. He must've arrived early in the morning, because his suitcases are still sitting by the door.

She quickly has an internal debate of whether to venture into the kitchen or run back upstairs before they notice her, but it's too late.

"Blair! Good timing, I just finished the first batch of waffles."

Blair smiles weakly as she pads to the stool next to Dan's and slides in beside him. His posture tenses immediately and he's silent as he eats. She wants to say something, but everything feels too awkward, so she focuses her attentions on Eric instead.

"Are you graduating from Sarah Lawrence this year?"

"No, actually," he piles a selection of berries onto Blair's waffle and hands it to her, "I'll have another semester next fall, because of my major change."

Blair just nods and takes a small bite of her waffle, feeling at a loss for conversation. Eric must notice, because his eyes narrow at both of them.

"I'm sensing some tension," he smiles mischievously, the smile that used to form when Dan and Blair first started spending time together, the smile that took note of Dan's nervous energy whenever Blair was around- even when they were dating, "Did the Duchamp vs. Hirst debate get too heated again?"

They're both silent for a few seconds, both resisting the argument that's brewing.

"That's not even a debate," Dan responds suddenly, "Yes, they both make people question the nature of art but Duchamp's work doesn't compare with the innovative and powerful pieces that Hirst produces."

Before Blair can even control her mouth, she's countering him, "Because preserving dead animals in formaldehyde is so beautifully innovative."

"It's a clear illustration of the beauty of death and rebirth! How do you still not see that?"

"It's sensationalist! I've been telling you that for years."

Their eyes meet and Blair can't control the small smile that falls on her lips, because even after all this time, something is still there. That spark she used to crave, the challenge.

Dan bites his bottom lip and glances down at his food quickly, as if trying to hide a smile of his own.

"Eat your waffles, Waldorf." he says softly and takes a sip of his orange juice.

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_"Oh thank god."_

_Relief washes over Blair's face and he can't help but show the slight disappointment he feels at the results. _

_She's not pregnant._

_Truth be told, they were not ready for a kid._

_But the thought wasn't entirely awful. _

_Definitely not as awful as Blair was making it sound._

_"Trust me, Humphrey. It's a good thing." _

_Dan just nods and throws the second pregnancy test in the trash. He's been noticing more and more lately how easily Blair brushes off these monumental moments in their relationship. Whether it be her repeated rejections of his proposal, or her reaction to the possible pregnancy- which could described as repulsed, horrified, and simply annoyed- he's finding it harder to tell how invested she is in them. _

_"Well I guess that means we can grab a drink or two to celebrate."_

_Blair is beaming and it kind of makes him tense up, because he can't stop thinking about what she would've been like if the test was positive. _

_"Blair," he follows her out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, "I think we need to talk."_

_"I thought we already discussed this. No more proposals, Dan."_

_"We didn't talk about it," he sighs, exhausted, "You talked about it and didn't really give me a choice. I'm not proposing again, I just think we should talk."_

_She has to make everything so difficult for him. While it's one of the things he loves most about her, it's also one of the things he hates. _

_Blair slides into a stool at the counter where he stands at the other side. He can tell she's ready for a face off, preparing for a fight that he didn't know they were having._

_"I understand that you don't want to get married," his voice is sure and steady, "I also understand that you're not ready to have a kid."_

_Blair nods a few times and raises a brow, encouraging him to continue._

_"What I don't understand is why you treat me like a moron for wanting those things with you. Even if it's not now, eventually I do. It's starting to seem like you don't, and that you don't think I should either. You practically laughed in my face when I asked you to marry me at Harold's birthday party last month."_

_Blair takes some time to contemplate her words. The silence eats him alive._

_"I don't want to be controlled by love anymore. That's what marriage would do, that's what it does, it controls people."_

_"It doesn't have to," Dan's waits a couple seconds before saying, "I saw the postcard."_

_Blair's forehead wrinkles in confusion, "Is that what this is about? If you're afraid of losing me or something-"_

_"Blair if you honestly think the only reason I want to marry you is for control or security then clearly you don't understand our relationship at all. Love is not a cage."_

_Blair thinks back to all the years before, Chuck using love to trap and manipulate her. The thought of fate and destiny controlling most all aspects of her life. _

_"It can be," she says quietly, blinking back tears._

_"Not with me. I thought you of all people would understand selfless love, how it feels to love someone without expecting- a lot of times without receiving- anything in return."_

_"Then why marriage? If you don't need anything in return."_

_"Well I kind of wanted it to be a mutual thing… not a gift you're giving me for loving you."_

_"That's what it would be," she says definitively, but her fingers are fidgeting nervously._

_"Then maybe…maybe we should rethink this," Dan takes a deep breath and buries his face in his hands, unable to look at her eyes, "I think we're on different pages in this relationship. My book ends with you and me and yours ends with…Well, I don't really know how yours ends."_

_"Oh, how poetic, Humphrey."_

_"I'm serious, Blair," he reaches for her hand and rubs it with him thumb softly, "I think you should go back to New York, figure out what you want."_

_"I want you," she says softly, defeated._

_"You think so, but- I don't know, I think something is holding you back. I don't know if it's Chuck, or Serena, or something else entirely, but you're not in this thing the way I need you to be. If you realize this is what you want, I'll be here."_

_"Why do I have to leave? Why can't I stay and you go back to New York?"_

_"Because there's nothing for me to figure out there. I've already made my choice…and it's you."_

_He watches her pack her suitcase and they both struggle to blink back tears. It's weird, watching her leave and knowing that he won't be going with her. He hates himself for needing confirmation, wishes that he could just go on pretending it doesn't matter. _

_But as she stands in the doorway with her bags, a weak smile on her face, he knows he's made the right decision. She'll be back before he knows it. He drives her to the airport and she simultaneously laughs while crying as he hugs her. It doesn't seem real. _

_Then she's gone, and he feels a small sense of relief as she climbs into his car. However, the relief doesn't match the intense ache he feels in his entire body when he returns to his apartment, _their _apartment. Her Chanel no.5 still lingering in the doorway._

_She never comes back to Italy. _


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **As you know, this story is supposed to span a weekend. So this chapter starts on Saturday night and ends Sunday night. I will likely continue with their return to New York but not much more after that. This chapter definitely brings to light issues for the main four (CB DS) and clears up some lingering questions about previous references. It's a fast moving story, but DB also dated for almost two years which means their feelings can be recognized more easily now. I hope you enjoy it, but if you don't that's okay! My stories always completely change from my original idea (unintentionally), but I've enjoyed the angsty direction of this one.

The song_ No One's Gonna Love You_ is perf for Dair, everyone should listen to it, and the book quote is from_ A Farewell to Arms. _

If you can't tell from this chapter, I love writing confused and in love puppy dog Dan.

Also, this chapter serves as a reason why the story is rated M.

_She would stay home with him when he wrote sometimes. She was usually quite distracting, flaunting around in her La Perlas while making breakfast or pouring him another cup of coffee. _

_She liked watching the smile spread across his lips as he looked up at her, complaining about how much work the still had to do. _

_"I'll give you something to write about," she whispers in his ear, a hand trailing down to the waistband of his boxers. _

_"Blair-" he breathes. He means to say more, but with her hand wrapped around him he's at a loss for words._

_"I used to think about you sometimes, back before we were friends."_

_"We were-" he's cut off by a groan as her hand slides up and down slowly, "We were friends?"_

_Her laugh rings through his ear and brings an easy grin to his face, "It was innocent at first. I just thought about your touch. I imagined your hand sliding up under my shirt, resting behind my neck, stroking my inner thigh."_

_His head falls back against her shoulder as he licks his lips, picturing his lonely high school self feeling up Blair Waldorf._

_"Then after NYU and Dorota's wedding, the thoughts started to get dirtier."_

_She waits a few minutes to continue, just working him carefully until he says,_

_"Tell me." _

_"When I was in Paris with Serena, she'd spend some nights out of the room. I'd lay in bed wondering what it'd be like to have Dan Humphrey for one night. I'd push my underwear aside and rub my clit gently, thinking about what was underneath your hideous clothing."_

_"Dirtier," his voice is deep and it sends a shiver through her spine._

_"I liked to think about you in old run down bars, pinning me against a bathroom stall, my fingers sliding in and out of myself secretly wishing it was you, wishing you were fucking me against that cold metal, thrusting in and out of me roughly."_

_"Blair, I- Fuck."_

_"Then I'd arch my back, squeezing my eyes shut as I'd come with your name on my lips."_

_He groans loudly, pulling her onto his lap hastily and letting a few fingers slide into her. A soft moan gets buried against his neck._

_"Blair Waldorf," he mutters into her ear, "everything I hate about the Upper East Side," she tilts her head back, sucking in her bottom lip as his thumb moves against her clit at an achingly slow pace, "doe-eyed," her teeth dig into her lip as she smiles at him through hazy eyes, "bon mot tossing," he feels her hand reach to stroke him again, "label whoring-" her finger nails dig into his shoulder as she steadies herself, hips grinding into his hand. She comes in a series of short little breaths and he swallows them in a kiss while she finishes getting him off, "package of-," his breath hitches as her lips touch his jaw, her hand moving far too quickly for him to focus._

_She doesn't let him finish the sentence. _

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"Blair," his hand shakes her shoulder gently before she jumps awake.

"Dan?"

"You fell asleep out here I guess. It's almost 2 am." His soft eyes force a small smile from her as she pushes herself up from the couch.

She couldn't sleep in bed with Chuck. His phone was glued to his hand until he fell asleep with his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she couldn't move in any direction. She had walked down to the living room around 10 and must've fallen asleep reading.

"What are you still doing up?" she asks quietly, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting.

"I don't sleep much these days."

It's evident from the dark circles under his eyes and the weary look he's been wearing the past couple days.

"One more day, right? Then we'll all go home and you and Serena can go back to planning your wedding."

"Right."

They're both silent and she swears her ears are ringing. It's a dull silence that she wants to break, but fears it'll just annoy him.

"I'm sorry for that stuff I said the other night," his voice is barely above a whisper as he continues scribbling on the piece of paper in front of him, "You know I just want you to be happy."

"Friends?" she raises her eyebrows, probably a bit too hopefully.

He doesn't respond, just stares at the paper in front of him pensively.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she says quietly.

Dan nods, closing his eyes to reflect on the past two years, "I know," he says, "but you did."

She looks at him carefully, the detailing of his face, his delicate lashes, the way his hand slides across the paper as he writes. It's graceful, and yet, rugged and distraught.

"Writing sonnets about your effervescent blonde goddess?" She doesn't mean for it to come out bitter, but somehow it does.

"I don't write those much anymore."

"Why not?"

"I'm not in high school anymore."

And they leave it at that.

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_"Will you marry me?"_

_Her eyes fill with tears as she leans down to press a kiss against his lips._

_"Yes," she kisses him again, "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes."_

_He loves seeing her like this. It's the reaction he always wanted, the one he needed. Her blonde hair falls into his mouth and he pulls it out clumsily before standing. _

_As he stands to face her, Serena's smile gleams back at him in the sunlight. _

_He proposes on the Met Steps, and the whole thing gives him a fucked up sense of deja vu._

_**I thought you should get to feel like a princess one last time.**_

_"Are you sure about this?" She asks, and it's so genuine that it kind of makes him hate himself since the decision was completely impulsive. The ring on her finger makes his stomach do a small flip as he nods and tells her he's sure. _

_In reality, he should've seen it coming. Serena always said they were forever, maybe she was right. _

_Their spending the past few months together was very eye opening for Dan. He started re-thinking being done with women altogether. Blair was back with Chuck and that meant he had to move on too. For good. _

_The problem with that was, he couldn't take opening himself up to rejection from a new relationship. While choosing Serena may have been a selfish choice, at least it was also making her incredibly happy. _

_And yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that she'd come back. Brown curls and dark apologetic eyes, standing in the doorway of the loft the way she always had. Maybe it was wrong for him to still think that way, but it wasn't as though he could control it. _

_The worst part of it all is that knew, on the off chance that she did return to him, he would probably forgive her._

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They all decide to go out for their last night up north. While the local bar is different from their normal taste, it seems like a fun way to spend time as a group before they all go back to living their separate lives downtown.

Dan collides with Blair in the hallway and she looks so beautiful he has to catch his breath before he can speak. She's wearing the same dress she wore their first night in Italy. He can still remember the plum colored skirt swinging in the breeze as she walked down the beach, her entire back exposed in a deep V.

Her pale pink lips curl into a smile as she pushes past him politely to walk back to her room. He watches her until she turns the corner inside.

Serena greets him in a short red dress that is equally appealing, but on entirely different levels.

"You look nice," she grins, her lips painted a deep red to match her dress. He notes that in his flannel shirt, he'll probably fit in quite well at the bar.

Chuck and Blair are the last to arrive due to another argument about a merger between Bass Industries and Waldorf Designs. Chuck insists it's the best thing for both companies, and their relationship. Blair just seems against it because it upsets him. Either way, they show up with plastered smiles just the same.

Dan sits at the bar with a whiskey sour. He's not much of a dancer, and Serena seems to be getting along just fine without him. Carter's arm rests lazily around her waist as they sway freely to the music.

"Buy me a drink, Humphrey," her small frame slides into the stool next to him.

"Buy your own, Waldorf."

She keeps glaring at him so eventually he orders her a gin and tonic and slides it over to her hand, careful not to spill.

He looks at her out of the corner of his eye and is reminded just how perfectly the dress compliments every part of her. It's not the greatest feeling.

"Bass Industries and Waldorf Designs, huh?"

The whiskey gives him the courage to ask.

"It's never going to happen. My mother finds the whole thing far too risky."

"How so?"

Blair takes a deep breath and brings her gaze up to meet his, "She says we're too unstable for such a big commitment."

While Dan expects the words would make him happy, instead he just wonders why she's even with him. He will never understand how Blair can continue returning to a relationship that makes her miserable. He can see just how vulnerable the statement makes her so he quickly thinks of a response,

"Well that's just how you two are, isn't it?"

**Two wrongs make a twisted right. **

"I guess. I don't know," her eyes are hurt and he reaches for her hand but quickly retracts when he realizes his movement, "I thought I needed dysfunction in a relationship for it to be right. I thought Chuck understood my dark side more than anyone, but I'm starting to think I was wrong. About all of it."

Dan leans back on his stool, his elbow resting on the bar as his gaze moves from her eyes down to her lips and back up again.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought Chuck was the only person who saw the real me, no matter how much you tried, I didn't think you would ever fully get me. You wrote _Inside, _about Clair Carlyle, who was everything I wanted to be in high school. But that wasn't actually me. I thought I was some sort of illusion to you, that you couldn't love what I was really like," She closes her eyes for a moment, moisture gathering on her lashes, "But the more I look back on it, the more I see that I was never more myself than when I was with you."

Dan recalls his first proposal, when he told her that he was never more himself than when they were together, and it was the truth. He just wished she could've seen the same was true for herself earlier.

"Blair, I-" he takes a breath, "I don't know what you want me to say."

The music stops and _No One's Gonna Love You _by Band of Horses begins playing throughout the bar.

"I know it's too late now. I just thought you should know." She stands from her seat and extends her hand for a dance.

Dan rolls his eyes because she knows how much he hates dancing, but she would always force him anyway. As they make their way to the dance floor he notices Serena and Nate whispering and laughing in the corner. He wants to care, but as Blair's body moves into his he can't.

"I'm surprised Serena's doppleganger survived this entire trip," Blair whispers into his ear, laughing lightly.

"You don't like Stacey? I think she's nice."

Blair grins as her hand gently squeezes his side, "I'm pretty sure her name is Rebecca and you haven't said one word to her this whole weekend."

"That's because I've had you following me around like a lost puppy all weekend."

They both laugh and Dan feels himself pulling her closer against him. He knows Chuck, Serena, Nate, whoever are probably all watching them but he doesn't care. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to have her in his arms, smiling up at him in the most beautiful way. His fingers glide up and down her back gingerly as her gaze flickers down to his lips.

Okay, _no._

_"But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do"_

"Blair, listen-"

"Humphrey, thanks for keeping her warm for me. I can take over now," Chuck cuts in between them smugly and reaches for Blair's hand.

"Really? The song isn't even over yet," he feels really immature for saying that, but the point still stands.

"No, but the dance is."

Blair looks incredibly annoyed but Dan knows she won't do anything so he just decides to walk away. Before he can, Chuck grabs his arm firmly.

"I have to say, I was worried about her, spending all that time with you abroad. I was afraid you'd change her for the worst, but I must say, Humphrey," he takes a moment to meet his gaze with Dan's, "she's even more of an animal in bed than before."

He doesn't even know how it happens but his fist is colliding with Chuck's jaw in a fit of anger. His whole body is burning and he desperately needs air. He glances at Chuck, pushing himself up from floor, laughing at the scene he'd just caused.

Blair's eyes are watery and apologetic and he just needs to not be there.

Dan makes his way through the crowd of people and out the door into fresh air.

"Dan!" Serena grabs for his hand as he storms down the sidewalk and he whips around, taking a deep breath.

"Serena, I'm sorry. I just need to be alone right now."

"Too bad," she ignores his request of silence, "I felt so guilty for forcing you to come on this trip. I knew you didn't want to go, but I made you because I thought it'd be good for our relationship. Clearly this trip was a mistake," she takes a breath, "but it's not the _only _mistake, is it?"

Her hands fall on her hips firmly and he can tell she already knows the answer to her question, just needs to hear him confirm it.

"No, the trip was not the only mistake."

"I see the way you look at her, Dan. Even when I'm sitting right next to you, I don't even think you realize you're doing it half the time."

"Serena-"

"I tried to be okay with it, because I knew you hadn't seen her in a year so it was probably just hard for you. But tonight, the look on your face when you danced with her…"

She trails off to wipe her eyes and sniffles slightly, her firm posture weakening.

"Are you still in love with her?"

Dan buries his face in his hands. He thought he could get away from it, that the more he pretended it wasn't there, the more it would go away. But the weekend brought everything back full force. He feels defeated. He rubs his eyes roughly with his palms before opening his eyes to look at her again.

"Yes. But that doesn't mean-"

"Here," Serena yanks the ring off her finger and places it in his hand, "We both know it was never mine."

Then she walks back inside and leaves him out on the empty sidewalk alone. For the first time in awhile, he doesn't mind being by himself.

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_The second time Dan proposed was at Harold's birthday party. In front of about thirty people, he poured his heart out to Blair only to have her tell him she'd think about it. Needless to say he was getting used to the rejection. _

_Blair's out shopping when he gets a call from Lucia about a party for the writers program. The open bar isn't something they would pass up. _

_He fumbles through the counter drawer for a pen to take down the address, shuffling through papers and knick knacks until a card goes fluttering to the floor. He can't quite make out the picture so he kneels down to get a closer look._

_The Empire State Building._

_His heart is slamming against his rib cage as he turns it over and reads the words,_

_"I'll be waiting this time."_

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"What is wrong with you?" Blair shoves him even after he's regained balance, "Why would you say that to him?"

"You told me it was over. That there was nothing between you two anymore." Chuck holds his jaw in pain, but keeps himself close to her body.

"What's your point?!"

"My point," his voice rises, pulling her off the dance floor, "is that what I saw wasn't _nothing._ Everyone could see it! Do you honestly think I'm that big of an idiot?"

Blair looks around to see all of her friends gossiping quietly, pointing at them and exchanging glances.

"No," she says quietly, "I don't."

"I thought this was what you wanted! I thought this was your fairytale."

"You and I, we were never a fairytale, Chuck."

And finally, she figures it out. Everything becomes clear.

Her mind flashes through scenes from the past few years of her life.

**You'll still have me / Always / I meant what I said, whatever you need, I'm here for you / I want more, I want you / I couldn't stand to see you so unhappy / Our relationship is our world / That girl is fiercely strong, independent, outspoken, beautiful, capable of anything / I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you / I'm in this for the long haul / I'm never more myself than when I'm with you / My book ends with you and me / I've already made my choice…and it's you**

"I figured it out," she says, more to herself than anyone.

"What?"

"He told me to figure out what I want. I figured it out."

Chuck smirks but a certain sadness rests in his eyes as he comes to the conclusion that it's not him.

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_"Read my favorite part," She nuzzles against his shoulder gently._

_"Blair, you have like seven favorite parts in this book."_

_"You know which part," her voice is firm as she curls into his body slightly, making herself more comfortable. Dan's already on the page._

"Maybe…you'll fall in love with me all over again."

_Dan glances down to notice that Blair is mouthing the words with him as he reads._

"Hell," I said, "I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?"

_Her eyes stay closed and a small smile rests on her lips as she says aloud,_

_"Yes. I want to ruin you."_

_"Good." Dan replies, "That's what I want too."_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **_This chapter will finally resolve a lot of things for these goons. No flashbacks today :( I just don't think they fit anymore. May continue from here or at least do an Afterword, who knows!_

_Thank you to everyone who has read or reviewed! I love you. _

The house is over two miles away, but Blair decides to walk back. The cold air helps her think. She thinks about what she'll say to Dan, how she'll explain herself to the person she wronged most. Then she starts panicking as she considers him rejecting her- it's always possible. He's engaged to Serena, perhaps it's what he wanted all along, she was just a distraction along the way.

_But that doesn't make sense, _she thinks. She's his first choice. He had told her so many times, how could she let that slip by her?

Her decision to walk becomes a regret when it starts pelting rain on her face and hair. She starts to cry as she thinks of his soft brown eyes, full of concern as he listened during her struggles with Louis and Chuck, or losing her baby. She's always found him so beautiful, even before they started dating. Even through the tears, her body warms when she remembers his smile.

When she finally arrives at the house, she carefully rehearses what she's going to say over and over before opening the door. She shivers in the doorway of his and Serena's bedroom, watching silently as he packs his suitcase.

"Where's Serena?" her voice is quiet as she leans against the door frame. His reaction is the indifference she experienced for most of the weekend. She's suddenly incredibly nervous.

"She's, uh- she's staying at a motel in town with Georgina and Carter."

Blair watches him close his eyes, a hint of regret seems to flash through his face but quickly passes when he looks at her again.

"You told me to figure out what I want," she breathes as she steps in the room, "in Italy."

"I know, you chose Chuck." The bitterness in his voice cuts her as he continues packing, leaving her standing alone awkwardly. A few moments pass in silence and she's already lost all the words she had planned.

He seems conflicted about what he wants to say next, trying to decide if it's worth the fight. He finally speaks up, "Do you think about me?"

"What?"

"Do you think about me," Dan throws the shirt he's holding into the suitcase and turns to face her, "when you fuck _him_?"

Blair gulps loudly, feeling a pang of desire shoot through her stomach. His jaw is still clenched tightly waiting for her answer. Their bodies are far too close for comfort now and she can feel his hips brush against hers slightly. His eyes are dark and full of want. Her mouth is dangerously close to his, willing him to kiss her.

"Yes," she whispers and his lips come crashing into hers roughly. Their tongues spar for dominance, hers always coming out on top. His fingers are gripping her sides tightly, holding on for dear life. He finally breaks away as they struggle to catch their breath.

"It's you." She moves in closer to him, keeping her eyes at level with his as she swallows nervously, "It was you the whole time. I couldn't see it."

Dan closes his eyes at her words, but it's not the reaction she was hoping for. He looks miserably sad.

"You can't do this to me again. You can't tell me I'm the person you want and then turn around and leave me. I don't care if that sounds selfish. You have broken me," his voice lowers slightly, "more than I thought possible."

"I want-" he takes a deep breath, stepping away from her, "I want you to read something."

Dan approaches her with a pile of messily stapled papers and she takes them from him carefully, scanning the first page.

"What is it?"

Blair lets her fingers trace the words slowly as she reads, flipping through the pages she starts to see a pattern. While she expects to read the trials and tribulations of Dylan Hunter and Clair Carlyle, she finds something else entirely.

It's a series of proposals, scattered all across Europe. The Colosseum, the Eiffel Tower, even the local cafe where they used to have coffee sometimes in the morning. Warm tears cloud her eyes and fall on the paper as she realizes it's not about Dylan and Clair, it's about them.

Dan and Blair.

Sixteen proposals total, each with a very carefully thought out declaration of love all leading up to the same four words,

_"Will you marry me?"_

Each time, she says _yes. _

"Read the first one out loud," his voice is too soft and she's already trying hard not to cry.

"If you can forgive me," she begins to read Dan's line with a shaky voice, "I seem to have lost all the words I was going to say. I look at you, and suddenly I can't breathe," she takes a deep breath, "The way I feel about you is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I hate myself, annoy myself sometimes for loving you the way that I do," he's moved closer to her and she can feel heat radiating off of his body, "I can write pages and pages of stories about you, but now that you're standing in front of me, I'm rendered speechless. I know that you will probably walk away from me, the way you've done so many times before. But I want, I _need _you to know that I see you- _all_ of you for exactly who you are. I love you, Blair. You're the person I want by my side for everything, for all of it. Please, don't walk away."

She glances up at him, her lip quivering slightly as she says, "I don't understand."

Dan takes a step closer to her, his breathing shallow.

"Blair, I told you. My book ends with you and me. I've tried to write other endings, but this is all that comes out. Even when we're apart, I can't write anything different."

As Blair studies his face, she wonders how she could ever leave him the way she did. His brown eyes are so earnest and yet filled with fear that she might walk out on him again. She doesn't know how she could ever think Chuck was what she needed, or even _wanted_ for that matter. She always thought Dan was an obstacle to get to Chuck, but it was the other way around. Her hand trembles as she places it on the side of his face. He leans into the touch and she can see small tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Blair…" her fingers curl at his jaw and suddenly his lips are on hers again and she feels everything. She can remember kissing him when they were together, the way it felt like he was handing his entire heart over to her. She hadn't realized how much she missed that feeling. The papers fall out of her hand and flutter to the floor as she deepens the kiss and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him further in.

Dan groans into her mouth and her body aches for more as he tears at her dress with sloppy hands, pulling it down to reveal her black lace lingerie. His breath catches when his eyes flicker down her body, seemingly remembering how much he appreciates her body. She pulls his shirt over his head and a finger trails down his chest delicately sending a shiver through him.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpers as his lips race down her neck, "I've missed you…" her voice trails off as his teeth graze against her collar bone.

"More than you can imagine," he finishes her sentence and backs her towards the bed, laying her down gently.

His hand slides down the smooth skin of her stomach, stopping when he gets to her already damp underwear. Her hips buck against his fingers and she whimpers softly. A hunger rips through her as she yanks at his boxers, forcing them down his legs. They're too impatient to even get her underwear off. He shoves her panties aside and hikes a leg up over his shoulder, thrusting into her roughly.

"Oh-" She throws her head back as she moans, propping herself up on her elbows to watch him move in and out of her.

"Fuck," Dan leans down to rest his forehead against hers, quickening his pace, "I missed you so much."

His hand moves to rub her clit and Blair grasps the sheets tightly, letting out an uncontrollable moan. His fingers are practiced and sure, moving just fast enough to make her start to come on done.

"Dan, I-" She tilts her head up to press her lips against his before dropping back onto the bed and letting his movements take over, "Don't stop"

Her walls clench tightly around him and her body starts to tremble while she mumbles his name incoherently. He slams into her a few more times before letting out a loud groan and collapsing beside her.

For a moment, she wonders if it's all real, or if she'll spend another morning waking up next to Chuck texting on his Blackberry.

"I wanna go home," she pants, glancing over at him.

His eyes stay on the ceiling.

"Manhattan?" he asks.

"Brooklyn."


End file.
